What They Really Mean

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What They Say, What It Really Means by M. Jordan

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A lot has been written recently about the codes in language but everybody, as usual, has missed the point. The point is that people need a simple was to figure out what others really mean when they say certain things.

To that end, we've begun compiling a list of common statements and what they really mean.

When people say:	What they really mean is:
We can't come to the phone right now but...	Please don't break into our vacant house and steal from us.
If it just saves one life, it's worth it.	I have no idea what I'm talking about.
(In response to "How do you like my new something-or-the-other") It's different.	You have no taste.
I prefer cooperative games over competitive ones.	I always lose competitive games.
I really enjoyed your sermon.	Thank God we're almost out the door.
I plead innocent.	You can't prove I did it.
I'm big-boned.	It's not my fault I'm fat.
My car gets 32 miles per gallon.	My car once got 31.1 miles per gallon on a stretch of highway where I drove 55 mph and had a strong tailwind.
My favorite book? I like the classics.	I am a liar.
You and I should have a diet contest.	You're as fat a slob as I am.
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.	Look, I've been lying to you so far and now I'm gonna really let one fly.
I'm against government handouts.	I'm against government handouts to other people.
She looks anorexic and I'm worried about her.	She's skinnier than me and I hate her.
That speech was very thought- provoking.	The thought it provoked was "I can't wait till it's over."
That Dennis Rodman is a disgrace to basketball.	Dennis Rodman is not on my team.
We don't watch much TV, mainly just PBS.	We're psuedo-intellectual snobs and liars and proud of it.
The check's in the mail.	You will get your check unless we finally go ahead and file bankrupcy.
(Spoken at a Microsoft committee meeting) I have an idea.	I just found out what [some other company] is working on.

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