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My friend Bill is an honest guy. He works hard, doesn't
cheat on his taxes, and raises his kids with care and character.
But he's got a flaw: he cheats at golf. Big deal, right? No,
it's quite a little deal, but...
My neighbor Don is a religious man and not just in word but
in deed. He gives of his time to serve on the missions committee.
He gives of his money to the needy in third-world countries. Don's
church couldn't do without him, but he too has a small character defect.
I first noticed this when I ate dinner with him once at a rural restaurant.
The waitress, a simple young lady, made several minor mistakes with his
order. She was very slow in refilling his coffee cup. When
it came time to leave, Don laid a quarter on the table. When I raised
my eyebrows he said, "She didn't earn it." Maybe he's right, but
since then I've noticed Don never gives much of a tip. Ironically,
this man who gives so much to the poor abroad, gives so little to the poor
before him.
My coworker Lewis is an environmentalist. He is up
to date on every environmental cause. He fastidiously separates his
trash, he doesn't use chemicals on his lawn, he drives a small car to save
oil and reduce pollution. Lewis is not afraid to lecture his peers
when he sees them doing something that might harm our environment.
One day Lewis and I met at the copy machine. I asked Lewis how his
paper recycling drive was going. "Well, you're not participating,"
he chastised.
I apologized. Then I saw what he was copying:
a handwritten note of about 3 sentences. He had made dozens of copies.
"Why didn't you make one copy, then double it up. You
could've saved a lot of paper," I told him.
Lewis smiled weakly. "Oh, you're right. Normally
I would have, but I'm late for a meeting."
Bill, Don, and Lewis each have good hearts. I like
these guys. They each have plenty of integrity as far as most things
are concerned. And their deviations are minor: cheating on a golf
score, low-tipping a waitress, wasting a little paper. Come on, these
are too tiny to mention.
But I do mention them because it is in these small areas
where no one is looking that the real person leaks out. Many people
do the big things, the outward things: the bell-ringing at Christmas, the
earning of an income to raise a family, the placing of the check in the
church offering plate (or for the really wealthy the donating of millions
of dollars to their alma mater). Good things all, big things all,
noticeable things all, and truly, these things have their rewards.
But judging a person by these outward signs is like judging a product by
its package. Public behavior is no gauge by which to measure a person's
integrity; private behavior in the tiniest forms is the real barometer
of this.
The famous trial lawyer Louis Nizer said the way to detect
whether or not a witness is lying is NOT by studying their face, head,
and hands...the big body cues. Watch their feet: Did they shuffle
them at a tough question? Did they cross or uncross their legs?
Any good liar can keep the eyes focused, the mouth firm, the head upright,
the shoulders square, and the hands still. But somewhere in his body
the truth must leak out and it chooses the hidden parts, the least observed
area, as its route out.
Who is a person of integrity? It is one whose private
person matches or exceeds his public person. It would do well for
all people to remember this. For if we realize that true integrity
is demonstrated in the small, private things, we will -- if indeed we really
desire to be persons of integrity -- be forced to come to grips with who
we really are. We will begin to notice how easy it is to walk past
that trash on the floor, to pocket that quarter we find in the coin return,
to fudge on our taxes, to drive by that stranded motorist, to postdate
that check by a day, to park in that handicapped zone "just for a second,"
to hedge and cut corners and white-lie and shirk and procrastinate and
do all those things that come so easy to human nature.
Integrity is something deep and personal. It emanates
from the core of a person's being. A person who desires it must calibrate
his moral barometer so that it picks up the finest of signals. By
observing these, there is hope that one can live a life of integrity.
We must not forget to do the big things; society depends on the good deeds
of its citizens. But we need to give substance to these public works
with our daily behavior in its tiniest forms. This is the true test
of integrity and this is ultimately our greatest gift to society.
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